Ski Fast and Take Chances

Uninhibited, free at last. Feels so good!

Grateful

It's time to move on. I was sent an email from my father that absolutely broke my heart, it included the picture depicted above that won the Pulitzer Prize in 1994 during the Sudan famine. This child was crawling towards a UN food camp that was located a kilometer away, the vulture was waiting for the child to die so it could eat the child. If not be grateful for everything that I have, but even the fact that I am alive and cared for. The following excerpt from William Wordsworth's poem 'Tintern Abbey'.

"While here I stand, not only with the sense
Of present pleasure, but with pleasing thoughts
That in this moment there is life and food
For future years."

When I think about the two extremes, extreme wealth and extreme poverty, it further reinforces the need for balance, not only in the world, but in our lives, and everything we do.

A picture is definitely worth a thousand words.

Anyways, I saw a remake of the play Oliver Twist, once again delving into the topic of poverty and harsh living. It was an excellent remake. However, the ending I found disturbing because I found it so idealized, Oliver finds his long lost father and lives happily ever after. Honestly, what about the people that were living terrible lives that Oliver came across in his travels? Only Oliver gets the happy ending, though many others deserve it. I suppose that's real life for you, so many people are so deserving but don't get what they truly deserve. I think that this play was supposed to give hope that even if life keeps on smacking you down, if you keep on hoping, keep on getting up, you will eventually find something wonderful.

Life is a Circus

Life is a circus and I feel like a juggler. If maybe I can juggle well enough, the crowd will stop the booing and hissing. I could stop and just put it all down and walk away but no, I'm mesmerized by the colorful array of objects whizzing by my head as I toss them about. Part of the fun is seeing how many things I can juggle before I fumble, miss the pass and make it all fall down to the ground. Then, all there is left to do is pick it all back up again and resume the frenzy.

The still, sad music of humanity

It’s been creeping up on me for a while now, but I want my best friend back really badly. I miss the talking, I miss just sitting there together, feeling content, knowing at that moment, everything is alright, even though it might not be as soon as we get up. For having thought gained something I have lost something very dear to me, perhaps even more close to my heart than what I have gained. I know I cannot have the world and cannot have everything that I want, but I cannot help but to reach out and try to grasp the things that have already been lost. Some days, I cannot help but to glance over and wonder just what he is thinking. The way things have been going lately, it seems as though there is an irreparable gap between us. I know it’s too late to apologize and it probably won’t mean much to you but I’m so sorry for hurting you. I know at this point I cannot ask for forgiveness because it is one of the biggest things you can ask of someone and I don’t deserve it from you. I know that forgiving somebody that has hurt you is as hard as hell, but it’s better than the constant disappointment, frustration and anger.

Skiing!!!!

Wow, yet again I have failed to post blog entries regularly. Anyhoo, I went skiing yesterday on opening day at COP, I must say, it felt pretty good to be on skis again. First run, I skied to Fast Like a Nascar by Keak da Sneak, great pump up song. Finally I felt that freedom and release that I have been longing to feel. After I got comfortable in the first couple of runs I decided to hit up the mini park that they set up, lots of people there. I don't ride well when I feel pressured, and soon after I felt pressured to perform well, do tricks and not fall. Ugh I hate that pressure, especially when I ride alone. So mad that Brett and everyone moved to UBC and other places for university, now I have nobody to ride with. O well, next weekend I get to ride with MT all weekend for instructor clinics, it should be fairly interesting. Anyhoo, I manned up enough to hit the wallride, I kept on leaning too far forwards and not with enough speed, gotta work on that, but damn, the mental strength it takes to charge at a wallride with speed and not slow down or pussy out is hard! I need to practice riding switch, fell over a couple of times riding switch, I can't seem to do left turns as well as right turns. Gooood day (besides the fact that I woke up late, didn't go to history class and had a really shitty morning).

Other stuffs... Today was the last History and Literature class, yay no more waking up early for class on Saturdays. Finally the massage therapist came back from vacations and was able to fix me :) ...oh and I got new glasses, yes new glasses because I couldn't see properly with my old ones.

P.S. Met a pretty sweet little snowboarder kid who has fetal alcohol syndrome and rode with him for a bit, kid has such a positive outlook, props to him!

Ka-BOOM

Yes, Ka-BOOM, everything just spontaneously combusts sometimes. Need to get it together and move on. Shooting yourself in the foot is no fun, so stop doing it. GAWD. Yay for toxic gases and radioactive waste!

Snow ... it makes everything good again.

It is definitely true, snow does make everything good again. As soon as it starts snowing, I can stop worrying about everyday things, I have something I can retreat into comfortably. Skiing is what I love, it's what I do. When I ski, I can stop missing people, worrying, panicking ...it's relief. I can't wait to feel that kind of relief and start skiing again, so long as circumstance permits. Dammit if it would only snow some more.

This week has gone by pretty quickly, it's almost as though I spend the whole week waiting for the weekend so I can catch up on missed work, relax a little. But it never seems to work out that way, they just turn out to be totally disappointing. Maybe I should lower my standards. It has just hit me how much I have on my plate, clubs, volunteering, lessons etc. We'll see what happens with this. People say, "Everything will be okay", we'll see exactly how true that is. Meh I'm just sick of people saying everything will be okay when it isn't.

So Saturday I went to the U of C open house. It was interesting. I have decided to apply for Health Sciences and Engineering, because U of C only asks for two choices, U of A they ask for 3 I think. Man, applying for universities and scholarships, it only seems like yesterday when I was worrying about my first day of junior high. Life moves pretty quickly, if only I could slow down to pick up a handful of snow or something.

So I am determined to make the most of this last year of high school. Make time to do the things I want. Not mess up too badly. Not make too many people hate me. Now all I have to do is pull my act together and do it. Stop procrastinating jeez. Ski you later.

Peace,
Bernie