Just Give Me One Moment

Well I went for a quick morning sesh at C.O.P. this morning and skied for the last time this year. It was totally worth it. I finally experienced it, the one moment of heart-stopping clarity where all I could do was savor the sensation and grin like a fool. It happened in the halfpipe boosting up the right wall, when I was carving up the wall I could feel my whole body anticipating it, and when I boosted out of the pipe, it just happened. Unfortunately, when I landed I landed in a little too deep and couldn't carry my momentum to the next hit. Oh well, it was so worth it, it's moment's like this that makes life seem like everything is totally worth it. Haha, I'm still grinning like a fool. Well anyways, I only did 2 park runs, the rest were all in the halfpipe. I'm learning to salvage my botched landings now, I don't fall too much, I just careen madly for a bit :P

Went for lunch with some family friends, nice people, but I really have nothing to say to them, nothing to relate to them with or anything, meh. Well anyways, I was driving on Deerfoot Trail with my rents and it was so fricken stressful, I was perfectly calm and fine, however they're all freaking out and shouting at each other and me and trying to backseat drive, which made me terrified, ugh, external pressures suck, I need to learn to meditate or something.

Happy New Years Eve to everybody!

Peace

Two Halves of the Same World

I hope everyone is having a wonderful winter break. Two halves of the same world, thats what I feel like I'm living. Everything is beautiful, lots of skiing, lots of eating, talking to people that matter to me, on the other hand, every time I am reminded of the school situation, I feel this deep indescribable frustration and disappointment towards school, and anything to do with it and especially people (I don't mean to offend anyone but this is just what I'm feeling right now). I am so ready to move on because I know everything at this point is beyond repair, I can recognize I fucked up, made the effort to see what was salvageable, but now I need to write on a clean slate and focus on the things that make me happy.

Speaking of things that make me happy, skiing, I am skiing as much, today while I was driving and my mom was sitting next to me, she brought up the fact that she thinks I like skiing for all the wrong reasons, supposedly I like skiing for the image and not actually skiing, she pretty much called me a poser. Well...this hurt beyond belief, but after skiing, I somehow was able to forgive her. I think its enough for me to know that I ski for me and I ski for the joy it brings me, whether it may be hurtling down the hill as fast as I can switch or flailing through the air and falling on my bruised swollen knee (yes it's still a little swollen and ugly ugly colored). And I love sharing my joy and love of skiing with my students, even though sometimes it's incredibly difficult, but it tugs on my heartstrings to see them progress. Skiing is the one refuge I can rely on right now, it's just me and the snow, my skis and flying through the air.

Gawd...when will the ache stop....just close your eyes

Winter Break...oh so lovely

As much pain as I am in right now, I am incredibly happy. Skied three days in a row (Thursday, Friday, Saturday). Saturday was amazing, had a lot of fun with the Shads, SG showed up halfway through the day and we seshed the park and pipe. Guy has some serious balls, he is progressing way faster than I am :P But skiing with somebody who is like that is great cuz it pushes me harder. So, I totally killed my knee doing the same jump that I overshot on Friday, faceplanted in the halfpipe and flew over the top of the wallride. I can't really work my right arm and I'm walking really funny, but I am really really happy. Good vibes for the winter break. I still need to seek redemption in the pipe after my faceplant. SG kneed himself in the ribs, thinks he bruised or broke his ribs, hopes he's okay. Ne ways, got my secret santa gift from NR, waiting till X-mas to open it. Went to a family party last night, every year same deal, good fun though :) Well anyhoo, we are putting up the christmas tree right now and I have to go Christmas shopping again, peace.

2 Days!

Indeed, only two more days until school is out for winter break, time to ski, be happy, eat lots of food and get fat :) ...oh and maybe the historical investigation, extended essay and the two world lit papers as well...hmm. I don't know whether to be stoked for the weekend or not, stoked because skiing, Thursday, Friday and Saturday, not so stoked because I have to hand in my historical investigation draft. Greaaat. Well, imma stop procrastinating and go work. Peace.

Last Mad Dash for the Finish Line

What seems like 5 more days until the finish line. Yeh, I don't even know why I should regard it as the finish line because it's more like a delay in the apocalypse, it's not that wonderful because the end is inevitable.

Yesterday was homework day, yet again my father was supposed to take the family to see the Golden Compass but yet again it got put off. Eh, maybe next weekend. Wait no, Saturday a whole bunch of people are going to C.O.P and I might be renting a board to mess around on and put those board boots to good use, in the evening...ugh yet another stupid family friend party. I hate those, they speak in Chinese, talk about/ compare their kids (no matter how old they are) and eat excessively (and sometimes drink excessively), I hope I don't get forced to go.

Anyways, on a lighter note, I finished all of my Christmas shopping today for all my school buddies. I hope I remembered everyone, and everyone that I remembered likes their gifts. It wasn't that bad, I went shopping at South Centre and Chinook Centre with my mother. Got back home at around 6pm, wrapped all the gifts, yay good to go. Well, I'm off to do more homework, that likely will not go over very well but meh, I hope Fortin doesn't kill me tomorrow.

Go For It

H'okay, I love Peanuts! No, anyhoo what this post is about. Skiing mostly. Pushing boundaries mostly. Always grow, grow all ways :P

Skiing was amazing tonight. I managed to get 30 minutes of freeskiing after instructor clinics. I'm so happy because I'm finally making good progress in the park, even though I'm skiing alone most of the time, crank up the beats and just go for it! I'm trying a lot of things that last year I normally would have pussied out of doing but now I'm finally going for it. C.O.P has finally set up some of their main park, the upper park is absolutely dope! Unfortunately I only got one run in there today. I suppose part of my mentality when I ski is, 'if I cheat myself out of trying this, how many more times will I let myself get cheated?', and 'even if I fall, I know I will get back up, brush myself off and have to try again, may as well get it the first time'. Stepping out of my comfort zone and not doing stuff I already know has been the hardest part in learning new things, I'm glad I can push myself right now. Anyways, I hope this progression will continue. As for other aspects of life, eh, not so much. What is there to lose? Everything, and nothing.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Today everyone got their grad photo proofs. Some people were very happy, some people not at all. I think it's so true that 'you are your worst critic'. I know that it is true for myself. People can pick out a million things in their own photos that other people wouldn't notice unless told, just goes to show how hard we are on ourselves. What I think about my photos? Meh. S'all I can say.

Anyhoo, 3rd Grad Committee meeting today, decided on a theme. "On this day we become legendary" from Kanye West's song, "Good Morning". I like it because it is so empowering and it suggests a great sense of surety. Stoked for grad.

After all this, grad pictures, grad committee, it still hasn't really hit me that yes, I'm graduation from high school this year. It still hasn't even hit me that Christmas is in 13 days, gotta start Christmas shopping. Eh, come what may :P

Organized confusion

Yay went to Wing Kei Care Centre to volunteer for the senior's annual Christmas Party. I would describe it as organized chaos, so many crazy shouting Asian people. It was good though, glad to make seniors smile, it usually seems so dull around there. Took a group of Violin players to each floor, the pianist that went with them was super chill. He's been playing piano for 2 years and he clearly pwns me.

Saw my grandfather for a first time in a little while, I think he's losing it pretty quickly, doesn't remember me at all and mistook my mother for one of my aunts. Anyhoo, gotta do some hw. Think I'm seeing The Golden Compass with the family tonight. I loved the book, hope the movie is just as good. Anti-religious novel, atheist author, it's bound to be good.

T-Minus 3 Hours

GAH. Waiting for things to explode and shit to hit the fan....


UPDATE: Shit didn't hit the fan as hard as I expected it to, it was just some mild splatter. I feel relieved it's finally over... now for the other stuff.

I iz broke.

Yes, I iz broke. Everything is tearing me apart, in different directions, chunks of my heart out, all that good wholesome stuff. I feel like I'm fending off the big dark impending doom with a toothpick. FAWK.

On the other hand, I'm so grateful for the simple pleasures in life, such as being able to ski, be able to speak, hear, see. I had another instructor clinic tonight at C.O.P. We worked from the very basics up, CSIA progression. It brought me to realize just how hard something can be that I take for granted, for example parallel skiing, snowplows are hella uncomfortable. I'm happy that I can make a difference and take the time to slow down and share my passion of skiing with my disabled students. Oh and thank you for driving me there and back MT, you and your pro driving skills, and I'm quite pleased I passed the test ;)

I need to pass History and Literature Level 3 tomorrow, here we come studying.

Until later.

Je t'aime et tu me manques beaucoup

Deep breath...and GO!

H'okay, I ran for President of the Grad Committee today. You would think that after doing 9 years of speech and drama, public speaking would come to one easily. Hell no.

It's actually to a point quite frustrating, knees shaking, body shivering, the whole deal. At least I wrote out the speech. Well anyhoo, I got VP, good enough, props to PK for getting Presidency, kid has some mad steeze public speaking, looks so comfortable there. Well tomorrow is a busy day, studying and homework awaits. Oh and skiing :D

Eyes Closed

Sometimes, it's best to just close your eyes and reminisce. Forget about the present and the future.

I Wouldn't Touch You With a Ten Foot Pole

Life is good, skiing is good...then BAM. It hits me, do you really want me out of your life that badly? If you do, just let me know so I can stop hoping and agonizing myself.

On a lighter note, MT drove us to ski yesterday, so proud, first time for her driving a passenger (other than family). Today, ski clinics were dope, sitski was lots of fun, MT tethered on a snowboard, props to her, afterwards ski clinics on our free runs she boarded switch, she also manned up and did some jumps, so proud of her. I practiced some switch skiing, finally I can fluently turn in both directions, very happy, now I need to coordinate my looking over shoulders. Well I have to get up early tomorrow for more instructor clinics so ciao for now.