Yay for Neighbors

I have noob neighbors, they are rude ass bitches who are trying to get a permit to have their house rezoned to allow all of their contracting equipment to be parked around the block. It is required to have a sign posted on your lawn that you are applying for rezoning so people can put up a fight, well guess what? These noob bitches decide to turn the sign around so other people can't see it. Some other neighbors saw the sign and are trying to oppose this motion, they got yelled at by the people who are applying for rezoning for reading the sign...wow people these days, seriously.

COP closing day was on Sunday, saddening because now I can't just drop by for a quick therapy session on my skis whenever I need, I have to beg my rents to drive me down to Sunshine. I can't believe I missed closing day, it was going to be a blast and I was going to film, but I hurt my knee, DP wasn't feeling it and AL had to work.

Ah, I'm being left for dead, my bro, and rents are leaving for Dallas on Thursday, won't be back until late Monday. Lovely, and they wont let me drive and aren't letting me take city transit so I'm a little fucked for some of my regular activities, eh, fuckit.

Well, I'm off, I have a shitload of random work to do so I guess I should dig in and get it over with.

Peace.

Done with this shit

...just so done.

Chin Up

Wow I haven't done this in a while, I guess I have been too busy grappling with the ugly monster known as life. This last week has been incredibly difficult for me, but chin up, hang in there till spring break. Now that spring break is here I'm slightly relieved. I'm really looking forwards to tomorrow and spending some time with JL, it should be a lot of fun.

So, let's see, Japanese Cheesecake is in the oven right now. I am also contemplating whether to make Cranberry Shortbread Cookies or Cranberry squares, hmmm. Oh about 2 hours ago I had a mind blowing revelation about my brother after he tried to get into a nasty argument with me, I give up on him, I just don't care anymore, if he wont take what my parents are trying to teach him in life, fine, so be it. Sooner or later karma will pwn his ass so hard, maybe he will finally realize. Until then, I have to stand by helplessly and watch him dig himself into a very very deep hole. As harsh as that sounds, that's it.

On a slightly brighter note, my mother is going to buy me a grad dress in the states when my rents go down there for a little vacation. For some strange reason, I'm not as stoked on grad as I should be, I mean I've tried to get myself involved so grad will be epic. I'm just not feeling it. If I weren't vp of grad committee I would seriously be contemplating my attendance at grad, not to mention that I'm dateless. All my buds from the east already have dresses and dates. Ugh maybe I'm just crazy. But that's okay, I should probably try to make the most of it and make some solid memories with those I actually care about at this school.

Oh and hey, I went skiing today, it was a boring sesh mainly because I didn't push myself, played it safe because my knee is really bothering me. I'm really scared that I actually tweaked something serious, eh whatever we'll see what happens.

Wow...just fucking wow

I am in an absolute state of shock, I really didn't think skiing could fail me as well. Yesterday was one of the roughest days I have had skiing, it made me angry and disappointed, almost to the point of tears, but yay for mirrored goggles. Firstly I destroyed myself on the up rail that I got a concussion from. Coming off the rail I popped too early and I totally wrecked my knee on it and proceeded to straddle the rail, good thing I'm not a guy or I would never be having children ever. After that disheartening fall I decided to hit the superpipe, it was going well until I aired out too far and hit the deck and ragdolled into the flats, it wasn't that bad of a fall but when I went inside for a break I noticed that I had cracked the screen of my mp3 player. So after that disgusting fall I decide to go back to rails, I hit this down box, do a broken grind on it, catch an edge halfway and twist my leg up and destroy my knee. At this point I am lying facedown in the snow, thinking I totally blew out my knee and that I'm fucked. With much difficulty I got up and did a few more runs before calling my mother to come pick me up....damn.

So I go home, watch some CSI, mope and watch Ms. Congeniality and Charlie's Angels...until 3am

I want so badly to be resilient and just chin up and keep on going but I really feel like some direction and perhaps some good instruction would be nice so I don't keep on fucking up.

One Can Only Hope...

that the light at the end of the tunnel is not a train.

The definition of "epic fail"

I think that the definition of "epic fail" right now is life itself. As soon as everything is peachy and wonderful for maybe two days at most, life decides that being a bitch is more fun. Fuckit I'm so sick of having shit dropped on me and me scrambling like mad to patch up the leaky boat before I sink, or rather, before the next storm comes and threatens to capsize the boat for good. Mother fucking hell, I just don't get it anymore, seriously. Why the fuck am I sticking through this shit because I am so sick of this shit. Complete utter fucking shit. I am so fucking tired of feeling guilty for everything I want, skiing, wanting to spend time with people, not wanting conflict etc. At this point I am so ready to throw my hands up in the air and just let the sky fall on my head. I really thought getting accepted into university and paving the road towards the next step in my life would be a relief but I think the road is just getting destroyed by mad roadside bombers who just don't want me to be happy or give me two seconds where I can feel like, h'okay, shits good, I can take a breath without feeling like I'm going to get shot down any second. All I want to do is go about living life doing what makes me happy without feeling incredibly guilty for it. Is it really that wrong to want to be happy? FUCK. Oh and yesterday I cried for the first time in a couple of months, it sucked like no other. Ugh I don't want to fight this cycle again, it was hard enough the first time. [/rant]

Because I feel like it...a recipe

H'okay, this is not so much a recipe as me attempting to remember something I made for later. I had the overwhelming urge to cook something. But once I realized that there was nothing worthwhile to cook, I said fuckit and found a bunch of yummy stuff and put it together and slapped it on some crackers.

1 mashed avocado
1 chopped green onion
some miracle whip to make the mixture look like a spread
some flaked tuna from a can
crackers


mix everything together and slap it on a cracker. yes it tastes good.

Happy Happy

As much as I hate being asked the question, "are you happy?" For once I can say hell ya! After the stress of having my EE stolen by Fortin and finishing calculus, life is starting to get a nice flow again. Thursday hung out with DW, don't really know what to make of it yet, or to make anything of it at all. Friday was epic, thanks so much JL for coming, I hope you had fun, hope your wrist feels better. I feel terrible I didn't get to ride with you more. If we do this again I will be sure to board with you, it might be just me ragdolling down the hill for a bit though. I would just like to say a big FUCK YOU to the green pipe that I definitely need to slay and redeem myself on, got to the end of it but got excited and slammed my thumb down on it. Superpipe was very interesting, going across the tranny at that speed with my little women's skis chattering, I want some burly stiff mens' ski for this reason. Today, I drove to Sunshine with the rents because they wouldn't let me ride with RG. Sick day at Sunshine with RG, skied so much stuff it was insane, trees were absolutely epic, getting lost was fun, even traversing like a mofo was okay. At the end of the day my legs were completely done, but this kind of exhaustion is nice. Drove to Cgy, picked up lil bro from PB's, sooo tired at this point, but it was all good, driving keeps me awake. Got home, checked Calc mark, did well. Gooood three days.

Breathe Just Breathe

2AM (Breathe) Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just a day, he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.


So now that things are finally calming down again, I feel the need to relearn how to breathe, so much tension it's hurting my neck and shoulders a lot. Next few days I'm going to try to catch up on some sleep and perhaps do some fun things, ski with friends, etc.

Ring Ring

I love the feeling when you feel completely at ease with somebody, pauses, silences, are perfectly natural, laugh cry, be crazy. Love yourself, love each other. Worthwhile, definitely, willing to make sacrifices, without hesitation. Never stop appreciating what you have and hold it close to your heart.

the eye of the storm

I feel like I am in the eye of a storm. Everything for the past week has been super hectic, yesterday I spent the whole day on homework after I took my mother out for lunch, she had fun s'good. Today I had a hella chill day at Nakiska, I was a spare instructor so I got to just float with the advanced students, skied with TD's daughter and MM, did a race course, fun fun. Met some chill guy on the bus, always nice meeting new people at CADS. See you guys until next season! Oh crap, I forgot to get my CAS forms signed :P Jeebus... Well anyways, back to the impending doom of Monday and Wednesday, should be super sketch, grr I need to go to swim practice, stupid school is getting in the way. So tired right now, need to get back to work though. Peace and love.