I hope everyone is having a wonderful winter break. Two halves of the same world, thats what I feel like I'm living. Everything is beautiful, lots of skiing, lots of eating, talking to people that matter to me, on the other hand, every time I am reminded of the school situation, I feel this deep indescribable frustration and disappointment towards school, and anything to do with it and especially people (I don't mean to offend anyone but this is just what I'm feeling right now). I am so ready to move on because I know everything at this point is beyond repair, I can recognize I fucked up, made the effort to see what was salvageable, but now I need to write on a clean slate and focus on the things that make me happy.Speaking of things that make me happy, skiing, I am skiing as much, today while I was driving and my mom was sitting next to me, she brought up the fact that she thinks I like skiing for all the wrong reasons, supposedly I like skiing for the image and not actually skiing, she pretty much called me a poser. Well...this hurt beyond belief, but after skiing, I somehow was able to forgive her. I think its enough for me to know that I ski for me and I ski for the joy it brings me, whether it may be hurtling down the hill as fast as I can switch or flailing through the air and falling on my bruised swollen knee (yes it's still a little swollen and ugly ugly colored). And I love sharing my joy and love of skiing with my students, even though sometimes it's incredibly difficult, but it tugs on my heartstrings to see them progress. Skiing is the one refuge I can rely on right now, it's just me and the snow, my skis and flying through the air.
Gawd...when will the ache stop....just close your eyes
4 comments:
I'm glad that at least half of your world, is good, because that goes to show, the world isn't all bad. And that goes to show that, the bad doesn't need to hamper the good. There are things that are inevitably bad. And if you decide (not anyone else) that things are fucked up beyond saving, then you shouldn't keep tinkering around. You have the right idea, move on. And in the words of our immortal english presentation "Move on, Hoo-An, you lost this case." And when you decide to move on, don't go with a whimper, go with a bang. And don't worry, no offense (If I'm the instigator of negative feelings) cause I know where you're coming from. And yeah, school's a bitch.
I'm extremely happy that skiing is keeping you more than sane! And well, you can't blame your mum for calling you a poser. She's assuming, and just like if my mum sees with with World of Warcraft, the assumption is made that I'm addicted. All the same.
=)
hehe english presentations...one word...epic. No you are not the instigator of negative feelings Jason. You are pretty much one of the most chill people I know. My mother just doesn't like the image associated with skiing, like my baggy outerwear, but thats her problem, it's comfortable and warm so whatever.
Oh Audrey, I love that you love skiing and personally I can think of someone who is less likely to be a ski poser then you I mean you live it you breath it it is part of you. And you know I think because you know that you were able to forgive your mom, because you are sure about skiing. Hell at least it's one thing you can be sure of babe. It sucks being in a position like you are now, and I'm assuming you're not alone (which is a good thing) even though you may feel it. But you're lucky this is the last year of high school, believe it or not, you've come full circle and damn it girl you've done so well and even if others aren't proud of you I am so proud of everything you done and envious of your intelligence and how set you are for the remainder of your educational career. I hope you know that I'm always here (unless you don't want me to be in which case I can peace out) and no matter what I don't think I'll ever be more content then the time we played basketball at your house and then burnt candles and played with your lighters, don't know if you remember that one, but I hope you know you've definitely not screwed anything up between us. I love you dawling.
Aww thanks Erin. JEA, we gotta keep on shooting bricks :P Love ya 2
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